Monday, April 28, 2008

10 Years


Miles, my oldest, just turned 10 years old which means that I've been a mother for 10 years now. It seems like a pretty big deal to me, and it brought up a lot of emotions in me that I found really surprising, but, really, I shouldn't have been so surprised. I always feel anxious when older women tell me to enjoy these kids while they're young because it goes by so fast. It's like telling someone who is hanging off a cliff, hanging on for dear life, to "hang on!" Of course I will, and telling me reminds me of the desperateness of it all.

As most of you know, I just had a baby, which, not surprisingly, has also brought up a lot of emotions for me. Basically, I'm an emotional person (wreck). A real BLUE (The Color Code Personality Test? Anyone?), which makes teacher and motherhood perfect careers for me, but also ones that torture me because they are wrought with emotional charge and change.

So now, a decade later, I have a child in various ages of development: a newborn baby, a demanding toddler, a bright-eyed 5 year-old, an accountable up 8 year-old, and now a 10 year-old. On Miles' birthday, all day, each child reminded me of Miles at each developmental stage. I could see his fat round face as a newborn and all the questions I had as a new mom about what he would be like and what kind of mother I would really turn out to be. I saw him as a temperamental toddler asserting his new-found independence and I remembered the day he discovered the wind at 18 months and how he put out his hands to touch it and how it literally took his breath away. I remember how he would sit in his room, quiet, before he could read, and look at books for hours, and how he could name the planets, in order, and dreamed of sitting in a control room, blasting off his more adventurous brother into space, explaining that he would be too scared to fly into space, but Owen wouldn't! I remember his first day of kindergarten and how small he looked next to the other kids, and how I ran out of the school so that no one would see me cry, and then I called my mom and we both cried some more. I can see the soccer games, where he was more interested in waving to us than in kicking the ball, and the birthday parties, and most importantly, the quiet days. I remember everything, that's the blessing and the curse, isn't it?

The day before Miles' birthday, he had a late-night cast party for the school play, Much Ado About Nothing, at the school across the street. The kids were all in bed and Miles insisted he could walk home by himself, AT NINE THIRTY! I was so nervous and walked out to the corner to meet him. He didn't see me watching him, dressed in a Maroon 5 t-shirt, walking without a care in the world, humming something to himself, and in the moonlight I thought, "This is my little boy. What will the next 10 years bring him?" As I started to think of the dating, and driving and graduating from high school . . . it was too much for me to take in. I just wanted him to be ten forever. Or at least crack a corny joke and describe to me (in painful detail) all of the parts he liked in the movie version of Much Ado, which he did, then adding that he started global warming by farting in the ocean.


(Margaret on her blessing day)

17 comments:

Hailey said...

Lisa--I just spent the whole night crying through Rabbit Hole and then I had to read this! Sheesh!

Just imagine all of the crying we will do on the day Mila marries one of your sons! (wink)

Kimmie said...

Oh Lisa... Congrats on getting to the double digit stage... Believe me, it only gets better... muhahahaha!

P & L said...

I cannot believe Miles is 10--what a lovely post, Lisa.

~L

Emily S. said...

That was so sweet - it made me cry. I can't believe these kids are growing up so fast. Happy Birthday Miles!

wendysue said...

Miles is one of my favorite kids, seriously. Even if he talks to me about Pokemon for 30 minutes straight!

Remember when I came to visit right after he was born (like I even knew how to help. . .)? I vividly remember helping you give him a little bath in your front room!!

Kacy said...

In a couple of years Miles will be the age Chris and I were when we met in Jr. High [. . . something profound about life and friends and friends' kids who then become friends with your own 10 year old baby].

c jane said...

That was beautiful Lisa. You are a wonderful mother. And Miles is a awesome little man.

AzĂșcar said...

I remember when you were pregnant with him. It really wasn't that long ago, practically yesterday.

Shawn said...

So nice to hear about your "big" little man. Believe me, they grow up SOOOOOO fast! Ten years more will be here before you blink an eye...

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

I hope you have this post saved somewhere in case the Internet falls into the ocean--the ocean that is now warmer, thanks to Miles.

Loved it, girl. Simply loved it.

Gretchen said...

They do grow fast. Dalton just turned 13. I have a teenager, now thats scary. I do love watching them learn and grow. It makes you remember when.
P.S. Your daughter is beautiful.

Haley said...

OH Lisa, you made me cry.. now I need to go snuggle my 3 kids that aren't 10 yet!

Shauna and Robert Valentine Family said...

Lisa pizza! Petunia. What a wonderful daughter.

Loraine Edwards said...

How do those kids get so old, when we are not aging any!!! 10 years can not believe that.
What a lovely family you have. See you soon

Kristen said...

Sweet post! I remember when you were pregnant with him... you were so excited when you started showing..remember? I thought that was so cute and knew you were going to be an extraordinary mother!

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

Dear girl,

This is for your husband since his world is complete and he is not looking for validation by allowing people to leave comments on his blog. You gotta love a man who is so conceited...I mean, so self fulfilled that he doesn't at least WONDER what the rest of the world thinks of him.

Okay: Your talk in Sacrament Meeting was awesome and I never let my kids use that word unless it was for something stupendous, like Niagara Falls so consider yourself all wet...or something. I would LOVE a copy. Seriously, I would. plsnyder3@comcast.net

Second: I can decipher your journal entry: "Today a girl named Anna picked in a hat. It said sun, but I was on snow." (editor's note: this might be my favorite. What the?)

Anna's picture on the floor—a big happy sun face--that she was standing on--got picked out of a hat so she won. You, sadly were standing on frosty. Maybe she got to be the weather person that day or something. This was the easy way for the teacher to do things. She didn’t have to keep track of who had already had a turn. And then she took you on a walk to look at houses.

PS Do you still get stars on your chart? I do and I need to NOT GET STARS ON MY CHART. Sheesh.

The UnMighty said...

Congrats on your decade of mom-hood. That's huge!