Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Opps, I Did It Again!

Being pregnant with your fifth child is harder than being pregnant with any other number (1-4), mostly because you don't get any attention and nobody really cares. This is not a cry for help, just the way it is. Case in point: when I announced my pregnancy over dinner in a hip LA hot-spot in front of my family, everyone sighed an obligatory "Ohhh," like they had just seen an interesting looking caterpillar. I was expecting cheers, and maybe a little clapping. At LEAST an extra dessert. But you feel really comfortable around family, right? You can say anything you're thinking without fear of being misunderstood, right? Like when I ASKED, outrightly, "Aren't you guys so excited!?" and my brother said, "Well, I though it was about time for you. You know, how you've been going." Like I was announcing changing the sheets off the bed or getting my oil changed. I looked at my sisters for support who just looked at me apologetically, shrugged their shoulders and said "Well. . . " like you've-put-yourself-in-this-position-it's-who-you-are.

People sometimes tell me--like at church this very week--how they didn't know I was pregnant, which is funny because they're really admitting that I look fat. It's not like I haven't gained, gulp, any weight. It's noticible. (and a special shout-out to the "I'm only being honest" Gina for confirming my fears. I can always count on you and Dad!) So their response is more relief, like "oh THAT explains it," than congratulations. (But I must admit that my weight gain makes my impression of Brittney Spears on the MTV Music Awards that much funnier. Anything for my art.)

I also get the tilted head and squinted eyes response when I confirm their suspicions which I've learned is the "do you believe in birth control?" or "how many children are you going to HAVE?" look. That response is also not congratulations.

Contrary to what you might think, and what Gina WILL think, I'm not looking for emails and comments with any sort of attention or congratulations. YOU'RE TOO LATE. It is what it is and I'M excited, and TOPHER's excited, and most of my women friends who are in the fertility stage of their lives are genuinely excited.

I do plan on being one of the mysterious-women-with-older-children in the near future, whose ways are so foreign and intriguing to me, who says congratulations upon learning of an impending birth, but in their minds sigh a deep "good luck!" or "you have no idea. . . " But I WILL say congratulations, right after I go to a movie by myself.

24 comments:

pflower10 said...

I'm a little bit ashamed to admit that when my sister would announce each of her impending arrivals they became less and less exciting. By the time NUMERAL X (#10) came around all I could muster up was a sympathetic "WHOOPS".

Lucky Red Hen said...

You go to the movies by yourSELF?!? Now THAT'S something to get all riled up about ;o)

{smooches}

AzĂșcar said...

I was and am genuinely excited for you.

But I'm still kicking myself over the stupid, stupid comment I made when you announced M's impending arrival. In case you've forgotten (because I haven't)...

Scene:
Italian Restaurant in Mall Parking Lot- Daytime.
A group of young mothers and ladies who lunch are gathered in a room. An attractive woman with a bright smile has just announced her pregnancy.

Me: Congrats! I'm so happy! Well, that makes sense, I was just saying to myself that I wasn't sure if I liked that shirt on you because it seems like...I mean, you're thinner than that shirt is making you... I mean.

AND Scene.

Someday, I am going to develop an inner monologue and keep it that way.

I think you deserved to be babied just a little. Ditch the kids and come watch Dirty Sexy Money.

btw, peef, I laughed so hard at your "whoops!"

Kacy said...

Well, I think it's wonderful and exciting and if anyone is going to treat you like a 5-time-mom, it should be your new doctor (who needs to LAY OFF the glucose). Jerk! (Him, not you.)

Josh said...

Lisa - thanks for blogging again. We love all your children like our own (seriously.) Bring them over on Sunday and we will feed them lasagne and ice cream.

Kacy said...

Oh, Josh. I love how you thank Lisa for blogging after so long--as if YOU blog everyday. I think it's about time for you to blog about The Bionic Woman (or something).

Bek said...

Dude, I was barely excitd about my impending arrival... I was MUCH more excited for yours (I have already bought yours more things than mine...).

We all need a Gina but NOT on the day the dr. tells us to stop eating pasta. Does he not know that is ALL WE HAVE???? sheesh.

Go eat some fries with cheese and mayo and watch 30 Rock.... you earned it...

compulsive writer said...

As one of those mysterious women with older children may I say I was genuinely excited for you when I heard the news. You might even say I was doubly excited: excited for you that you're expecting and even more excited that it's you and not me.

I often get the "What? You only have four?" from people in these parts. But every time my husband heads off to one more mission non-farewell or temple sealing of a kid he taught in third grade I do the math and decide we have just plenty thank you very much.

Have fun at the picture show.

Hailey said...

I'm so excited I just ate three orange rolls in your honor!

lisa v. clark said...

No, I've never been to the movies by myself, but I aspire to do that.

Azucar, I completely forgot about that incident. But I DO remember you bringing me homemade vanilla pudding when I really needed it.

Loraine Edwards said...

Lisa Congrats! I will look forward to seeing the new addition next summer when I am in Utah. Just think it is one more excuse to go shopping!

~j. said...

Isn't it interesting that there's no help to be found during the last pregnancy? I remember LOTS of offers during my first, and back then my life consisted of, "Gee, I'm tired. I think I'll take another nap. Right after Matlock." Now my 3-year-old has to stick her little fingers into my face and physically pry open my eyelids to get me out of bed -- after a WONDERFUL night's rest and ALL the naps I could want during the day...right? Lowering the bar? Check. Being awesome? Double check.

Jaimee said...

Lisa Valentine Clark! Do you remember me? We worked together at the Bombay Company about 100 years ago. (Or, actually, 10.) Now I'm a reporter for the Arizona Republic newspaper -- I write about style -- and my editor is writing about Stephanie Nielson's house, and she was telling me she liked her blog, and I saw a picture of you on there, and here I am. So. You look gorgeous and so happy and like you're having the BEST time. I about died when I saw you named your kids exactly what you said you were going to. (Miles, Phoebe. Can't believe I remember that, but I do.)
Anyway, my email is jaimee.rose@arizonarepublic.com, and my blog is jaimeerose.azcentral.com. Come say hi!

sue-donym said...

5 kids! Sheesh! What are you trying to do, have your own Von Trapp family singers?

Totally kidding. I hope I expressed vocally at the italian restaurant how thrilled I was for you. Kids are the BEST and we need more talent in the world.

amanda said...

Dear Lisa, if it makes you feel better, I'm totally going to love this one the most (PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU STOLE MY NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
Love, Amanda "I guess I still have Avalon" Valentine

Randy said...

You titled this "Opps", not "Oops".

(Oops!)

Kacy said...

Someone needs to school Randy in lowering the bar and being awesome.

La Yen said...

I think that anytime there are more Clarks it is a good thing. Unless they have pinkeye or rabies. Then there should be LESS Clarks. So I say yay for you.

Lyle said...

I've always said, that if someone had Topher's genes, they need to be passed on to as many kids as possible....okay, I've never really said that. But I do believe that a mother and father [married] have a right to have kids, whether that be one or twenty. I get strange reactions all the time when people find out we have four...and might have more.

btw...bring your hubby alond next time your in Lincoln and he can visit me.



btw btw... gongrats on the up and coming star/ ray of sunshine.

Hailey said...

Um, I may have tagged you on my blog...

Deb said...

Oh I hope the pregnancy is going well for you. BTW your brother is my sons idol. all he does after school is make me play maroon5 videos showing james jamming at concerts! What an inspiration and idol he is... my son is only 7, and he is jut blown away by what your brother can do with a guitar.

Have a great halloween!

Deb said...

Oh I hope the pregnancy is going well for you. BTW your brother is my sons idol. all he does after school is make me play maroon5 videos showing james jamming at concerts! What an inspiration and idol he is... my son is only 7, and he is jut blown away by what your brother can do with a guitar.

Have a great halloween!

Bek said...

I wish to say to the AZ reporter that if she thinks Steph's house is awsome (which it is) she should see LISA's house. It is beyone awesome (do you know anyone else with a teal family room? Me either)

louisa said...

I love your blogs you have a really comical storytelling style!I don' actually know if your actually a comedienne in America cos I'm from the UK and stumbled across your site.Anyway I totally know what your on about when people kinda look at you as if "oh so you ARE pregnant", when I was pregnant with my daughter I had a leak at the back of my washing machine.My neighbors husband came in to take a look(new neighbors hadn't actually formally been introduced until the leak)I said "could you help move the machine for me, I can't on my own I'm 5 months pregnant"Their reply?"Ooooh so you are pregnant,I just thought you were overweight"....lovely,thanks for that!LOL