Watching tv makes me a better mom.
I don't mean that watching tv makes me a better mom than YOU, I mean that it makes me the best mom I can be. It's the escape and peace I hope to gain from watching perfectly timed tv in the privacy of my own home that can get me through the terrible two's, which have started 6 months early, "queen bee" issues with the 3 year-old, and hours of pretending to be interested in Pokemon. And, no, in case you were wondering, I don't want to catch them all.
I'm getting pretty tired of everybody blaming all of society's ills on television. They talk about all the crap that's on tv, but they don't mention the societal benefits tv offers like INFORMATION and COMMUNITY and a pathway to WORLD PEACE. Man, it's like we're living in the dark ages. When I lived in England, everyone in the entire country watched "Pop Idol" and "Big Brother." We all, no matter our differences in religion, race, or education, had something to talk about. Together. It's really beautiful if you stop and think about it.
But I don't really feel like justifying my need for tv. Some things are just too personal to talk about. My good friend, Eric D. supports me in my habit, and has really encouraged it more than anyone over the years. I really owe some of my best tv-watching hours to him. He hates it when people who don't watch tv SAY they don't watch tv, because it's not like they ever say it matter-of-factly. It's always in a judgmental tone, like they don't watch tv because they're doing something infinitely more important. Like, while you are wasting your time watching some random show, they're busy curing cancer or reading to the blind. And I will add that there's nothing "random" about my tv viewing.
So imagine my HORROR when my sister GINA was chosen to be a part of the Nielsen Rating's Family! "THE FAMILY!" This was a big blow to me. It's no secret that I heart tv, but, more importantly, I'm really, really good at it. I know how to pick 'em, and I'm a loyal viewer. For example, lots of people have given up on ER--which used to be the hot show, you know--but I haven't. Yes, it's a little depressing and unrealistic, but I keep watching. I picked "Arrested Development," "24," "Lost," and "The Office," and stopped watching "Six Degrees" and "Brothers and Sisters." I know a winner when I see it. Why didn't they choose ME?
I've tried to influence Gina, and thereby influence the world, by telling her what to "watch," but being the straight line in a twin cardigan set that she is, she doesn't even want me to MENTION a show's name for fear of tampering her family's response. (Imagine me yelling "Watch Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip! IT"S ON THE SUNSET STRIP!!!" while Gina's plugging her ears and running away from me humming "God Bless America"). We both worked at Gallup Polls (like everyone who ever lived in Lincoln, Nebraska), so we will both carry the responsibility of knowing what tampers a survey. It's information we'd like to forget, but we know we can't, and Gina won't pretend to forget (if I had a nickel. . . ).
So, speaking of tv, might I recommend watching an upcoming VH1 special featuring Kiefer Sutherland's documentary about a band he's "managing" entitled "I Trust You to Kill Me." OF COURSE one of the band members is my sister, Amanda's ex-boyfriend (why can't one of MY ex-boyfriends show up on "E-Extra"?!). I'll let you guess which one. If you do watch, and you buy me dinner, I might be persuaded to tell you an interesting story or two about said documentary. And of course, I'll be doing it to get some MUCH NEEDED attention.