Thursday, January 12, 2006

I didn't mean to overhear, BUT. . .

Topher and I went on a date the other night and found ourselves in line at the Magleby's Fresh. And yes, yes it was. Topher and I have very interesting things to say to each other, especially when the children aren't around to interrupt us with their selfish demands for food and attention, and so our discussion of Brad and Angelina--I mean third-world debt --was getting preeetty intense. We heard, "When I was on my mission, when we came to the door, people wanted to know one of two things. . . " and OF COURSE Topher and I lifted our eyebrows and leaned in to hear better. I'm not going to pretend we don't eavesdrop on a regular basis, but admit it and add that we do it with running commentary.

The guy, very tall, very clean shaven, and clearly had come straight from the airport, was giving the performance of his lifetime. And to give him some credit, he was doing a fabulous job. He'll get an A in that public speaking course for sure. Either that, or his pesticide business will go through the roof. Through THE ROOF! We followed them in line, sat down, within earshot of them. I could look out the reflective window and see their reflection even though they were sitting behind me, and give Toph a play-by-play description of how the date was going. Come to find out it was a first date. He's just home from his mission which he loved. He had a nice mix of "interesting things that happened on my mission that happen to everyone" stories intended to entertain and impress. The stories where you're able to slip in a little something about what an honest, hardworking person you are--you know, for the story's sake.

She's only 17, " a youngin," she calls herself. She has long golden brown hair that looks like its been brushed 100 times each night (just like Marsha). She's quick to laugh and vocally confirm that she's fully following the conversation. This pleases him and he gains more and more confidence. He's obviously rehearsed some of the topics, but doesn't forget to ask about her. She confirms his musings on why she doesn't date a lot: boys are intimidated by her (Topher spits up a little Pepsi at this point and has to go for more napkins). She follows his lead and gives a detailed resume that would impress anyone. We learn that she never dates. That boys NEVER ask her out. And all her friends and her mom have told her time and time again that it's because she's so intimidating. It's obvious she's not going to lower her achievements, but move on the best she can. There's some hair flipping and gentle head nodding. These two are made for each other and we are happy they've found each other.

When their food comes, he insists on a prayer, to which she replies (a little too loudly--a clue that she's obviously taken off guard) that "that's so cool!" But her body language is telling us that she's obviously NOT comfortable--she's curled up in a little ball, squeezing herself so hard I'm convinced it will leave a dent in her soft, cream sweater. After they're hunched over together for a GOOD 5 minutes (someone's showing off. . . ) Topher is DYING, he's so embarrassed for her because she looks so uncomfortable. (At this point, Topher has to turn away and goes for more ketchup). We know it's over when we hear -again, a little too loudly- "NO, no, I don't mind AT ALL! That is SO COOL! Yeah, that's. . . cool!"

Then we looked at our watches and knew it was time to leave to catch our movie, but I was a little sad to go. I hate not knowing how things would turn out for these crazy kids.

I hate the idea of that uncomfortable date. It physically pained Topher. Maybe that's why things turned out so well with us--because we never had to go through that ritual. A few I did go through come to mind from way back when. The blind date who later said I reminded him of an ex-girlfriend, so that's why he ignored me. The date who ate block of lasagna by stabbing it in the middle with a fork and chewing on the ends. The blind date who was in his 30's and told me he never read a book in his life. . . that's a fun trip down memory lane. Who has the best story, I wonder. . . .

(*In other news, Gina got a Serger for Christmas and she can't stop talking about it. She goes to a Serger class with other middle-aged women who own Sergers (remember how Gina's younger than me? Yeah.), and she can't stop talking about it EVEN when I tell her not to ruin the idea of that class in my mind with words. Today Gina said, "But I say it in fabric, not in words." [yes you do, Gina, yes you do] )

19 comments:

Bek said...

Two posts this week?

Wow.

I forgot how entertaining Provo can be. Poor, poor stupid kids...

Hailey said...

Oh the pain, the agony, the horror of first dates! Thank you so much Lisa, for reminding me how grateful I am to not be single...

Oh, and I could not tell you one thing about a Serger if you held a gun to my head, but boy, could I ever catch you up on the plot of Lost!

c jane said...

But Lisa,
you forgot to tell us the most important part... what movie did you see?

Lyle said...

The RM didn’t happen to mention using his machete to save his companion from an anaconda did he?

Any eavesdrop date is a good date.

Ben said...

Wow Lisa! I think that was a perfect account of a recently RM date. Painful, annoying, surprising yet inevitable, and endlessly entertaining. Bravo!

Bek said...

L--I just got your message..

YIKES!!! How is everything going?
R

lisa v. clark said...

Oh, fine. . . Phoebe broke her arm and Hughie's puking and has a fever. It's Friday the 13th, afterall!

Court: We tried to see Walk the Line, but it was sold out and instead saw Casanova: dumb, dumb, dumb.

Lorien said...

Sorry to hear about your bad luck. If it's any consulation, our daughter was puking--AGAIN--on Friday, too.

I'm very sad the Francises weren't doubling with you on your date. We are accomplished geek-spotters/eavesdroppers, ourselves. Actually, come to think of it, all we do on dates is people watch, and you know, the normal ones just aren't as fun. Sometimes Guy will draw the really good ones. Makes for good entertainment.

Emily said...

The best part of this story is that Walk the Line was sold out....like 3 months after its release. I love Provo.

nie nie said...

LISA!!!

PHEBS BROKE HER ARM? WHAT!!! how come we can never never GET A HOLD OF EACHOTHER!!!
i need the scoop

christopher clark said...

She was doing a trick on the couch, jumped off. . .? The details are sketchy because even though there were three witnesses, they're all under the age of seven and are thereby extremely unreliable. (I think they were also worried about incriminating themselves)

The important thing to keep in mind is when she told me her arm kinda hurt I told her to stop making excuses and just go to bed. In my defense, she wasn't crying. I"m such a good mom.

La Yen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
compulsive writer said...

Great post--you even had me squirming uncomfortably. From personal experience, I always thought it was a bad sign when I sent the poor bloke home with a weak "Thanks" then kissed my dog goodnight. Since then, having a few single friends, I have discovered, vicariously of course, the horrors of on-line dating.

One friend of mine had lined up this date with someone who appeared to be quite the catch...until she realized he was our neighbor's cheatin' ex-husband. Then, a few month's later my husband and I were on a rare date and we bumped into the same friend with another on-line find...this time with our mutual friend's ex-fiance. I guess that's a problem with a small dating pool, you keep snagging the same lame fish.

tiff-fay-fay said...

see, i don't have that problem living in Orem, which is one reason why Orem is superior to Provo. Now please don't bombard me with your illogical rebuffs of Provo superiority. (dude, did i sound stuffy enough to post this?)

oh, judy! i miss you and it's only been three days. so what movie _did_ you see, and have you & Toph come up with any conclusions on the Brad & Angelina thing because Matt & I have had these same discussions recently.

lisa v. clark said...

OH Angelina and her long legs and her mohawk baby. . . if she weren't so busy doing so much charity work, maybe I could be bothered to really hate her.

Tiffy: You REALLY love Orem? Is it for it's great city center? Historical downtown? Arcitecture? Or is it for that rockin' State University?

Lorien said...

I'm attracted to Orem's sprawling and incongruous State Street shopping with its...mmm...what type of architecture is that anyway?

Lyle said...

Lorien- I think the term is hodge-podge sprawl and crawl.

Rachel said...

i went on a first about 10? years ago with a fresh-off-the-plane returned mish (who consequently is now an nba player). it was so bad:
-he was supposed to go with my older sister, but she had a missionary boyfriend and refused
-we walked from oak lane to kristi and jo's (on center)
-i got blisters (wearing sandles not up to the task of keeping up with the stride of said nba player). my dad said he thought i'd need skin grafts for the blisters. he was totally serious. now we know why i have medical ocd.
-we sat down and realized that we were sitting in close and uncomfortable proximity to the parents of a past friend-boy.
-when we got dinner, he asked who should offer the prayer. i picked him.
-i asked if my mom could pick us up because of my insane blisters, which i didn't tell him about, but he said he preferred to walk.

i haven't lived that down. (and in all fairness, he was a nice lad, just painfully not for me.)

Suzie Petunia said...

Eavsdropping on other people's dates is one of OUR favorite date activities, too! That and the guy in the next booth who is trying to sell his old mission comp and wife on his latest pyramid scheme.